I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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