If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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