I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
