Your face is a jimmy john
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
