i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
