I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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