I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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