so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
