I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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