youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
