I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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