i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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