you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
