some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
