1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
