If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
