You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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