she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
