A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Found your dick twin last night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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