I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
