At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
