I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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