I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
they're like a gay fantastic four
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
