i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
