weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You took a bar mat shot.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
