Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
