All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The air was thick with penises
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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