the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
