If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
