If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
