you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
