dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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