his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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