you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
