how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
