around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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