So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
