Pappa wants mamma naked
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
