NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
