Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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