Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
