come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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