is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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