gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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