I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She made me pour olive oil on her.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
