I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
