the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She's the barista slut.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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