Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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