I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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