I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
