The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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