do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Randomize
