Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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