1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
