Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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