i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
do nipples grow back?
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