tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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