so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
