I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
nutella sex= disaster
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
