I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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