i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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