weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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